As a publicist and an avid cyclist, I'm always spinning my wheels, literally and figuratively. So when I just listened to snippets of Oprah Winfrey's interview of Lance Armstrong confessing to his longtime doping to win bicycle races, including seven Tours de France, I couldn't help admiring one figurative master of spin (America's public therapist) encountering a literal master of spin (America's master cyclist). And yet, this time it wasn't about the bicycle: it was about repositioning the careers of both Winfrey and Armstrong.
If Winfrey can snag more confessional celebrities on a regular basis -- and hey, what can a celeb do except end with a whimper or bang? -- she can create the country's most popular schadenfreude channel on OWN TV.
As for Armstrong, he's got several career options, some of which could even be related to cycling:
1. Endorse energy drinks for athletes. If Armstrong OKs the product, who knows if it's got performance- enhancing drugs inside or not? All the better, if it does.
2. Launch a seven-step recovery organization for obsessive liars: Liars Like Lance, or LLL, with chapters throughout the world. More bucks in trying to cure liars than cancer, and also more likely to get results (especially if publicists are also members of LLL).
3. Outdo Oprah and start a TV channel: Liars Without Borders, featuring art forgers, contractors, union officials, mayors, Chinese politicians, anyone related to Qaddafi, diet doctors, tobacco makers, mortage brokers, and Vladimir Putin's publicist.
4. Move to a country without extradition agreements with the U.S. and good good athletic facilities: Monaco? Cuba? North Korea?
5. Go into politics. Now that you've come clean, what else is there to expose? It's a straight shot to the governship of Texas, where they admire tough guys.
And if you, dear readers have other career suggestions for Armstrong, let's hear from you.